Fuck It

my world is in limbo right now

not moving forward but not moving back

and this isnt even a poem for fucking sakes

every time there is a little smidge of something good something bad has to take it away or take over

Im 25 years old and I havent lived it 

i feel like my youth is getting robbed by fucking illnesses

im crying as i type these words 

it gets annoying when people tell me that im lucky

at least i dont have "that" illness

well motherfucker YOU'RE lucky

you dont have this 

try walking day in my shoes

you wouldn't even make it through getting dressed without taking pain killers

And a couple weeks ago the docs found another tumor in my brain but this one is smaller than the first one

still a tumor is tumor

I broke down in front of all the nurses 

I dont remember breaking down for the first one

and then i cried more for dramatic flare outside the hospital i know how cliche and cheesy 

nahhh i had real mental breakdown bitches
sooooo many health issues sooo many doctors and sooo many fucking pills
you would think i would be the poster child for depression 
I started seeing a psychiatrist because the docs started to worry I think theyre wondering why im so happy its scaring them a bit lol 
im just a happy person,i get in my moods like right now but never depressed

"Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power." 
-William James