Blue Christmas

Even though I'm all smiles about this Christmas making the best of it

which is about to be over in like 20 min

its 11:39 p.m.

12/25/2014

im glad its going to end so i dont have to fake pretend to be happy

I dont like to bash people on my blog, well ok its my 

blog so i can do whatever the hell i want to do 

but my MOTHER IN LAW was bringing EVERYONE down 

she was like a little kid throwing a tantrum 

ive never seen anyone be that grumpy 

11:45

I mean really its she wants attention, im not gonna go into details why she was mad and 

all but she didnt want go out she just wanted to be left alone

then my husband had to work from 2 to 10 pm so that ruined it too

11:50

I just want this day to end

I was calling all my family members and i had to pretend like i had a good 

Christmas, i know they did 

God i wished i had spent it with my Mexican family 

Next Year I AM SPENDING CHRISTMAS with them

11:55

so close

I went over to uncle Tommys for a bit at least they were cheery 

Michelle and Rice took me

Oh my Gosh I love that family its like they are sooooo warm and cozy lol

yea they told us what they got but none of that phases me, i dont mind them telling us 

because theyre excited and who doesnt want to tell when theyre excited

11:58

they gave us meaning me and brandon the cutest gift or gifts 

they wrapped 

12:00

ITS OVER

CHRISTMAS IS OVER!!!  

12/26/2014

anyways they wrapped a bunch of boxes which consisted of Graham Crackers,

Chocolate, and Marshmallows..oh and they gave us some hot chocolate 

mix packets for when it gets cold 

12:05

we stayed and chatted for a while and watched some tv, i didnt want to leave

but i was getting tired and we some yummy dip with crackers and 

Croissants with chicken salad  

it was good so that was our lunch lol 

12:10

  Im a huger and i give hugs whether they may want one or not and Uncle Tommy, Aunt Kim, 

And Abby give the best hugs out of all them lol 

so we left 

and we were still hungry 

so our Christmas dinner was

CHINESE 

isnt that festive lol 

it was the only place open 

and thank God that made Shannan my mother in law smile

we got food for everybody

12:20

I should go to bed I leave to go celebrate New Years with 

my Family

i miss them sooo much 

I leave like at 4:30pm but i havent done any packing yet 

my dad is going to pick up Brandon my husband on Monday

its Friday officially 

and im leaving with Michelle my sister in law and her boyfriend Rice

Today

12:25

we were both supposed to leave together my husband and I, but he messed up

his work schedule like always ugh he aggravates me sometimes 

but i loves him

12:29

im gonna go brush my teeth and take off my Christmas makeup

12:30

I had the very worst Christmas 

wait thats not true 

that one time i spent it in the hospital

no nope thats a lie i was happy before that lupus flare came on

This has truly been one of the worst Christmas Ever  

I hope to never experience it again

UGH

"When you have a bad day always reamember someone else's day is worse.

Be thankful for what you have"

-Ritu Ghatourey

Cumpleaños(Birthday)

I had a very grateful and DRAMATIC 25 birthday, it was on Dec 7 and it spilled onto Dec 8 cause i had to wait for my cake.
Since the Parks are no joke when they told me they were loud, my family are no angels not quiet ones that are singing the chorus to Gods birthday lol.
 Anyways since we're low low low class (we're struggling but we get our bills paid) I was very grateful for what i got for my birthday
 I wasnt expecting anything, some warm slippers and a warm blanket....Facebook posts mehhh those dont mean that much unless you come up with like a paragraph worth like my husband did lol

Happy Birthday beautiful. One of the biggest pleasures I have in life is being able to witness just how strong you are. 
What you had to endure the past few years is something that I don't think just anyone could endure. 
How you have been able to continue drawing WHILE still learning to use your opposite hand makes me even more grateful to have met you.
Aside all of your medical history you have always been like someone out of a movie. Your kind, caring, charitable, resourceful, you're a smartass, and you can light a fire under someone's butt when they deserve it. (Especially with me.) And I wouldn't have it any other way. 
You've changed me for the better and given me all the inspiration I need. When my comics get done it will be partly because of you and how you kept me on track. 
I've got plenty of future projects and one of them is showing people just how amazing of a spirit you have through my artwork. 
You are the kind of hero that inspires people to do better. 

Love you!

Aww I love him

he wrote that in the wee hours of the day and as the day went on it just got like a

rollercoaster, there were some high point and some low points

I got calls/Messages from everybody Parks/Carmonas/Reyes Family and that warmed my heart it even warms my heart typing this now, but that was awesome to get calls from everybody even now im receiving a call or two days later from ppl that think that they forgotten and its no biggie, hmmm WoW so thats how much of an impact i make on people, Getting a big head here people!!!!lol lol hahaha someone POP IT QUICK! 

anyways after the endless calls cause im wildly popular(reel in the sarcasm) me and my husband got into an argument i dont remember what about ON MY BIRTHDAY! it was a boring dull day so we have to have some form of excitement but it just came in a bad way. I did most of the yelling cause when it comes to fights, yelling fights he has no chance.

10 min 

thats about how long the fight took but it was still a fight or should i call it an 

argument
(I WISH I COULD WRITE WITH MY ACTUAL HANDS NOT TYPE
THIS POURING OF FEELINGS OUT WOULD BE SOOOOOOOOOOOO
MUCH FASTER)

Anyways my other Mom made my favorite dish which was SPAGHETTI and she made me
2!!!! CHEESECAKES
The part that I didnt like was that we ended up eating at separate times in different rooms
we had some Drama going on and it wasnt even that big of deal
Jeez Now that i think about it
it just pisses me of
PETTY SHIT
we just ate and a day later my other mom cut the the cheesecake
she didnt even let me cut it cause she was all dramatic and being moody
 All i wanted was the Happy Birthday song
No Happy Birthday Song
so that was that
my spectacular birthday
ahwell theres always next year

"The Old believe Everything; The Middle Aged Suspect Everything; The Young Know Everything."
-Oscar Wilde 

Berenice Parks

So much has happened to me since I last wrote my last entry and I dont remember when that was. 
Well I got my last name changed since i last wrote cause i got married
It was so stressful the weeks before i got married, there
was tears, arguments, drama, drama, DRAMA , that was 
unnecessary....the wedding was on August 31, 2014 and it was called 
off like four, five times by my mother-in-law sometimes she can be annoying.
I dont I CANT get stressed cause that flares up my lupus and my Fibromyalga so I 
unfortunately had one because it was super stressing
WEDDINGS 
ughhhh
fun

but its quieter around here these days 
less arguing because Michelle moved out 
that Brandons sister    

it was a really violent moving out day because it was so unexpected
Mom and Daughter got physically violent, I was scared and I just wanted to leave somewhere but I couldnt because they get dramatic and blame one another for running me out the house
and another factor
I dont have a car to drive and too scared to drive in the big lanes cause i havent driven in so long
I just wanted to get away from all the screaming 
I felt really anxious 

 But its calm for now until some one throws a rocks in 
Michelle might have gone in an abruptly way but she was eventually going to go
but her mom is not understanding that she wants to keep her close
 ohhh
ohhhwelll stubbornness
She will get someday

The night before our wedding we SO DRUNK

Bad Idea #1
We Decided To have our Bachelor/Bachelorette Party THEE NIGHT BEFORE our wedding

Bad Idea #2
Brandon Got Pinot Grigio....GROSS..that wine tasted like sour dry and salty fermented grapes blehhhh

 MOSCATO
MOSCATO
MOSCATO
good

Bad Idea #3
We Drank That Whole Bottle Of Pinot Grigio
and then some
We Got Wasted

Bad Idea #4
We Stayed Up ALLLL Night 
Went To Bed @5 a.m.
We Had To Get Up @9 a.m.
And only ONE of us made out Alive- Me 
Brandon had a Terrible Horrible Massive Hangover
Puking before, During, he held it in for a little bit while the Pastor was doing our little shindig but As Soon as He was done "you may kiss the bride, I now pronounce you mr and mrs Brandon Parks......He went to PUKE
Oy Vey

All In All 
I Got to Marry My Geeky Nerdy Hazeled Eyed 5Ft5in(not very tall but im 5ft2in) Prince
I love Him To Infinity and Beyond

"Love is When the other person's happiness is more important than your own."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.  

Put Down Your Phone

My fiance is shy he cant seem to get his words out when he meets new people but when he gets to know you he speaks his mind....through text...paragraphs and paragraphs long i know for a fact first hand because when we first started dating i had texts from him that were paragraphs describing my beauty now thats changed i get lots of i love you's but thats about it..
Its different with his friends because they're his friends and they like the same dorky things he likes and they text back paragraphs and paragraphs of the same shit(im sorry im mad) and THEYRE ALWAYS TEXTING BACK AND FORTH 24/7.

Today 7/8/14 was our 3 year anniversary

the day started out ok until we went to our anniversary dinner, he kept messing with his phone, answering texts..im like dude put your fucking phone away in mind. i wasnt going to say it i thought he would have the decency to put it away but no.

he could've easily ignored them he talks to them every single day  

I think that its rude 

you have a person in front you to start a conversation, but no

you would rather talk to the phone

He does this a lot not just our anniversary

hes on his phone instead of enjoying whats out there and i have to take that damn phone away 

"Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life"

- Omar Khayyam

Fuck It

my world is in limbo right now

not moving forward but not moving back

and this isnt even a poem for fucking sakes

every time there is a little smidge of something good something bad has to take it away or take over

Im 25 years old and I havent lived it 

i feel like my youth is getting robbed by fucking illnesses

im crying as i type these words 

it gets annoying when people tell me that im lucky

at least i dont have "that" illness

well motherfucker YOU'RE lucky

you dont have this 

try walking day in my shoes

you wouldn't even make it through getting dressed without taking pain killers

And a couple weeks ago the docs found another tumor in my brain but this one is smaller than the first one

still a tumor is tumor

I broke down in front of all the nurses 

I dont remember breaking down for the first one

and then i cried more for dramatic flare outside the hospital i know how cliche and cheesy 

nahhh i had real mental breakdown bitches
sooooo many health issues sooo many doctors and sooo many fucking pills
you would think i would be the poster child for depression 
I started seeing a psychiatrist because the docs started to worry I think theyre wondering why im so happy its scaring them a bit lol 
im just a happy person,i get in my moods like right now but never depressed

"Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power." 
-William James

I Have been Getting Healthy

I have been trying to get healthy thats why I havent written in here for a while. And I can admit that I want to LOOK as Good as I feel sometimes, I can be vain if I want to its not about all the health its about beauty for most women like 98%.

hahaha you guys know im joking its more like this...

naahhh thats taking it wayyy tooo far lol

and this girl needs a mirror 

and a reality check

so ive been working hard 

M,T,W,T, F, S and S 

but just like that girl

Mondays are always the hardest

but if I WANT to get results 

I have to the work

I want to say 

My Body Is Ready

lol

My fat is not going melt like..

And how am I doing this

nawww granny calm yoself down AND im DEFINITELY not DOING what grandma is doing there
I wish I could do more hard exercise that would build my strength up faster
but i have to settle for low impact exercise
like walking, 5lb dumbbells, and when it gets warmer swimming 

I'll get down with my dumbbells

FOOODDD

THAT LADIES and GENTLEMEN
ITS CALLED 
FOOD PORN

I have it controlled 
but I dont sacrifice myself of nothing 
If I want to eat it I will eat IT 
portion control 
PORTION CONTROL

true story

my goal is to loose 2o to 30 lbs 
gain my strength back and get some extra strength
I know Im going to do it

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
-Thomas A. Edison

INSTAGRAM

INSTAGRAM 

HAS

TAKEN

OVER

MY

LIFE

I

told myself that I wasnt going to get an Instagram account

but 

the

URGEEEE

URGEEE

URGEEE

AND

CURIOSITY

AND NOW I CANT STOP CHECKING

CONSTANTLY

Ah well 

I asked for it

"Curiosity bombambarded the cat with pretty pictures"

thats my take on that saying

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

-Margaret Mead

BabyMetal- My New OBSESSION

Bubblegum and Rainbows meets the Devil

Thats how I see this music but its AWESOME

METAL+JPOP = BABYMETAL

I love that someone came up with something totally different and it worked cause I cant get enough of it!
The group is made up (Left to Right)
Yuimetal-14, Su-metal-16, and Moametal-14

So throw UP your FOX SIGNS Heres BabyMetal

MY FAVORITE

MY SECOND FAVORITE eeeeeeee 

AND LAST 

I LOVE BABYMETAL

I hope they come to the USA 

"Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will"

-Zig Ziglar

NETFLIX- The $7.99 Holy Grail

Me and my fiance spend countless hours scrolling through Netflix, scrolling scrolling scrolling through an endless list of movies and shows choosing of what to add to our playlist next. Sometimes it may be a couple movies or shows and sometimes it may be dozens....but all we do is  ADD AND ADD to our playlist and we never seem to have time to watch them. At least we make a night out of it haha we get snacks and the whole shabang but we never seem to make it to the movie.

And those people that say there's nothing to watch on Netflix, SHAME ON YOU! MAY THE TV GODS STRIKE YOUR TV WITH LIGHTNING OR RAIN!!!! theres A LOT to watch on Netflix that I cant keep, thus the endless scrolling up and down and we're getting fat on popcorn and candy for no reason *sigh sigh* Ohwell we enjoy our rolls haha.

We do watch movies and shows, lots of movies and shows.  When we're watching stuff as a couple we mostly thrillers, mystery movies, horror flicks, stand-up comedy show, and anime shows lots of anime we've watched most of the anime that Netflix has..BREAKING BAD and AMERICAN HORROR STORY we LOVED those shows!!!! oh and WALKING DEAD!!! 

Its a different story when we're watching by ourselves, well he watches the same stuff anime and action movies..BORRIINNGGGG

I on the other case watch Korean dramas, foreign movies, Bollywood, documentaries, and what my fiance never wants to watch with me Romance movies.

THATS HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU SAY NO! TO MY ROMANTIC COMEDIES!!

we somehow meet in the middle, watch ROMANTIC ANIME COMEDIES, see it all works out but I still turn into a 4 year old or her up there when I want to watch a romantic movie with REAL people in it.

So I WIN either ways

Netflix

is

WINNNNNINGGGGG

"In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision."

-Dalai Lama

My Sister My Best Friend...That Was Only Temporary

Jaya 22 and Berny 24

I miss my sister. Its like she doesnt want anything to do with our family anymore, I get it why she was mad at my dad but she has to be an adult about it and get over it and forgive. She doesnt have to punish us, especially our mom.

I call my parents everyday cause I left home and I live two hours away and I visit whenever I can, I stay for 3 weeks or more. My sister living in my hometown with her boyfriend, she never calls, she never..rarely visits..WE HAVE NO WAY OF GETTING IN CONTACT WITH HER.. because she doesnt give her phone number away to us, her family. I have her on skype and thats my only way of getting in contact with her and I left her a skype message the other day to go and visit our mom ASAP because she really misses her. As I type this I am only getting angrier with that person, because thats what shes become to me. It pisses me off to the point of tears that we have to beg for her to come visit, I know she doesnt have it easy now..living on her own but she chose that lifestyle and you can only watch her struggle. BUT DAMN A FUCKING WEEKEND just to see our mom. My mom is schizophrenic and diagnosed with depression, she takes medication but shes alone all day weekdays, I call her in the day when its rainy, dark, and cold cause she especially gets depressed on those days. I cheer her up for a while but she has to watch her minutes or i have to do it cause she will want to talk for hours. I call everyday at night cause my dad has the unlimited minutes phone and ill talk to him for a bit, my bro, and my mom.  UGGHHH IT JUST MAKES ME SO MAD I WISH I COULD PUNCH HER IN THE FACE OR SLAP THE RIDICULOUS OUT OF HER 

and my little brother, I felt so bad for him when I talked to him the other day and he told me that went to see the Lego movie all excited, "Who did you go see it with?"

Jose- no one

me- Oh 

Jose- but Jaya and her bf picked me up after the movie to get my haircut...

me-how was the movie?

Josie-FUNNY!!!...but it wouldve been better to have someone there to laugh with me..I was lonely but i had my own personal row

me-(my heart dropped when he said that and i was holding back tears of rage) I wish I couldve seen it with you buddy, next time im there we'll go see a movie.

...............i was thinking FUCKERS 

I get really sad of the relationship my sister and dad have, they dont have one. She only speaks to him when she needs something or hes home at the exact time that she decides to visit. Other than that they dont speak and they are going to regret that someday.

Me and Her, we used to be best friends. No one understood our humor except us. Even when we were total and complete bitches to each other we NEVER said the word bitch even though that's what both of us were thinking, I said it once when i was 12 and I felt horrible for days.

I hope one day we can hang out like we used to or just chill and talk for hours. 

I love my sister and I really miss her

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

-Marcel Proust

Disney, My Inner Child Sings

As I sit here listening to Pandora radio set to Disney and I know EVERY song that it blasts out, I feel like a BOSS. HELL YEAHH I KNOW EVERY SONG I wish I could go back in time to elementary school when that mattered. AH well but at 24 years old I still get excited about Disney whatever whenever it comes on.

 And I can say:

high-5 or 10 for saying the longest made-up word in the English language!

Anyways the songs always cheer me up when im sad or REALLY BORED, how could they not i mean its Disney.

The movies paired with the songs just make it a great combination, I mean i dont like seeing Simbas' father get trampled by a herd of wildebeest

but its there to make great movie with great songs...OH STOP CRYING!!

My favorite movie is THE LITTLE MERMAID...Im obsessed with that movie, well im obsessed with all Disney movies but this one takes cake.
I think I was a mermaid in past life but im getting of topic here...That movie came out the year I was born and five years later I laid my eyes on it and that opening scene with all the merpeople not even Ariel I was enchanted.
  

....and a tiny monster was born 

lol thats not me
but how cute would've that been if was 
thank goodness for Google
but but isnt she ADORABLE!!!!!!
This is what im going to do my kids when they're babies, MUAHAHAHA let the parental embarrassment begin and im not even married yet.

ANYWAYSsss I love looking at fan art and what people all throught the world have created, the different mediums:

^lol i love this one

Now Now I cant leave all the other ones out

phewww that was so hard

OK lets go on Disney taught me some very important self lessons
Lion King
We cant let our past hold us back rather we must learn from it 

The Little Mermaid
Be true to yourself. People will love you a lot more because of it.

Finding Nemo
Never give up on your goals and dreams

Beauty and the Beast
Never let what negative think or say about you, affect your life

Pocahontas
We can learn a lot from people who are not like ourselves

Cinderella
Never give up on your dreams

But There's also a DARK SIDE 
DUN DUN DUNNNN

My parents didn't like this one too much

but i tried to explain to them that I 

was meant to be mermaid princess at 6 

I didnt like this one 
for the reason stated right there in the picture, still true.


 MAGIC comes with a cost 
kiddies its not free 
$$$$$
But so far its only costing me 20...40
When I go to Disney World/land
Money Money Money

Lastly the movie Frozen holds a special place in my heart cause that's where my fiance proposed to me
I am very lucky girl to have found the love of my life 
my
Prince Charming 
My Proposal Video

"If you can dream it, you can do it."
-Walt Disney